I am at that point with sugar (specifically chocolate) that I was when I gave up cigarettes and then, finally, alcohol. I am powerless over it. I have tried to moderate with no success. I start each day saying, "I'm not going to eat any chocolate or sugar today," only to cave after lunch or dinner when I feel the need "for something sweet". Then I eat too much of it and I end up feeling like shit...emotionally and physically.
I know that, once again, I've just traded one addiction for another. I have to quit but I have no idea how to do it. Okay, that not entirely true...I know HOW to do it...I'm just not sure I have the balls to get it done.
Excuse number one - there is sugar in the house for the kids and we're coming into catering season at work which means cookies and brownies the size of my head will be arriving at least twice a week. I can't possibly give up sugar right now. I'll do it in the Fall. But then it will be the "holiday season" which will make it impossible to give up sugar so I'll start in January.
I call bullshit. I gave up cigarettes while my mother, who was living with us, not only continued to smoke on my back deck, but SMOKED MY BRAND. Didn't matter. I had made up my mind. I can be one stubborn bitch.
I also gave up drinking with a wine rack full of wine, a garage refrigerator filled with beer and a cabinet above the sink filled with liquor. Didn't matter. I had made up my mind. Like I said...stubborn.
Excuse number two. I can't possibly go without sugar forever. Forever is so long - it's too much to think about. Um...aren't I the one always responding to posts and freely giving advice by saying, "You don't have to think about forever...you only have to think about today." Yeah, that's me.
I hate it when my words come back to bite me in the ass. I think I just called bullshit for the second time.
Excuse number three...what's left? I gave up cigarettes and hit the booze harder. Gave up booze and hit the chocolate like a fiend. Give up sugar and...what? Take stock in Starbucks for the caffeine? Move to Vegas so I can gamble? Join a swingers network for the kinky sex? Not bloody likely (especially the last one) but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried. Do I really have the tools I need to move away from needing "things" to help me cope in life? I really don't know. And that scares me a little.
Can't call bullshit on that one yet - I'll get back to you.
So now I just have to do it. I have no idea how or when but it needs to be done. So to all of my lovely readers (if you're out there), I have a couple of minor requests.
Please excuse the whining and bitching and moaning that may occur in this blog regarding the giving up of the "S" word.
If you know me in "real" life, please do not ask me "how it's going" when you see me. I'll be grumpy and likely to say, "None of your fucking business" which really isn't very nice.
Please do not judge me if I'm back here writing about this same damn thing in three weeks, three months or three years because I've relapsed. Be patient with me - this addiction shit is a bitch.
Sometimes I really hate my genes.
Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands -- and then eat just one of the pieces. ~ Judith Viorst