Zen: (noun) A Japanese school of Mahayana Buddhism emphasizing the value of meditation and intuition.

Saturday, April 27, 2013

Conversations With Myself

In response to my recent post regarding my weight (not to be confused with the dozen or so other posts I've written regarding my weight) two of my favorite peeps recommended I check out an app called My Fitness Pal. Surprise!  My Fitness Pal is how I lost 14 pounds before Christmas last year.  I LOVE that app.  It's on my iPad and my iPhone (not to mention my laptop).

So I took the serendipity of it all to heart and I signed back on and updated my profile (I am completely honest on that app - of course I keep my profile private so only I can see it).  I'm going to start using it again next week.  It really does work.

It works because, if you're honest, you get a real picture of how many calories you're consuming.  Lots of us really don't have any concept of what we put in our faces on a daily basis and then we're shocked when our pants don't fit anymore.  This app helps you keep an eye on that.

Secondly, even though I keep my profile private, or share it only with strangers (hmmm...sounds familiar), checking in makes me accountable.  I need to be accountable.  You know...like with my blogging buddies and family about my drinking or lack thereof?  Yeah..like that.  Apparently it works for me.

So now I just have to get my ample ass back in gear and start paying attention to what I eat again.  I'm not going to start "giving up" anything because that really does not work for me AND I really did realize during Lent how damaging that can be; but I am going to start making better choices again.  It worked before, there no reason to think it won't work again.

I've also been thinking a lot about whether or not I even want to worry about this shit anymore.  Maybe this IS where I'm supposed to be.  Maybe I should just give myself a break.

Yeah - that would be okay except for one thing...I don't want to die young.

See - in a prior life I was something of a fitness nut.  A lot of learning went into that nut.  I KNOW that this weight is not where I should be.  I know my numbers.  I know what eating all this sugar is going to do eventually (type 2 diabetes anyone?).  I know what this extra weight is doing to my joints and bones.  I know what will eventually happen to my blood pressure, my heart, my quality of life.  I know that I'm speeding up the aging process.

I know.

So I'll get back on that fucking roller coaster and start counting calories, exercising more and managing my numbers.  I'll get myself together and get healthier because I want to live a long and happy life.  I know that none of us knows what tomorrow brings but it would be a real bitch if I were to die early and it was totally preventable.  What kind of legacy is that to leave to my kids?  What kind of message does that send?

Seems like I had this same conversation with myself twelve years ago when I quit smoking and then again a little over three years ago when I quit drinking.  I've never regretted making those decisions.  I'm sure I'll feel the same way about this decision.

Plus I'll look much better in my clothes and I'll be able to wear higher heels comfortably.

Hey...we all have our priorities right?



  1. Just remember you really, really want this. Tell those voices in your head that keep trying to tell you to give up, that it doesn't matter, that you're obsessing about this and therefore compounding the problem, to shut the fuck up and then go after what you want. You've already done this at least twice, you've got one more "quit" in you.

    I don't do the apps thing but I'm keeping count of those calories, like you I gave myself permission to quit worrying about it and gained about 8 pounds in two weeks. So now I'm trying to stay under 1500 calories and as close to 1200 as I can get and I'm making myself walk or get outside and do something for at least an hour a day. Nothing revolutionary but very do-able and non-threatening.

    Oh yeah, and I just ordered some clothes that should arrive in about 3 weeks and I plan on being able to fit into them when they get here.

    Let's get going.

  2. Ha, I do think it's great, but I don't use it currently either. And I need to go back to using it too. It's not even that much of a pain honestly to log a few meals and exercise once a day. Why don't I want to do it? Probably because I want to eat whatever I want. So yeah, gonna go back to using it again too. (next week.)

    While it might seem obvious that we have to do the work to reap the benefits, your post reminded me that I can do something simple to get back on track. Thank you.