Zen: (noun) A Japanese school of Mahayana Buddhism emphasizing the value of meditation and intuition.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Did You Ever Have One of Those Days

Old Italian women (who are not related to me) courtesy of Google Images.

Today has been one of those very weird, deja vu, creep me out and overall sad kind of days.  First, my coworker's grandfather-in-law passed away this morning.  Today would have been his 83rd birthday.  It wasn't sudden, he had been deteriorating for a while now and truthfully, they were just waiting for the call.  Still sucks.  Big.

Then my friend's nephew, who suffers from Lissencephaly, had a seizure at 4:00 am this morning that they couldn't stop at home and had to rush him to the NICU.  This child has beaten every odd that has been cast against him since birth.  But when shit like this happens, we all just hold our breath and think, "Is this it?"  I hate it and I'm sure it's no picnic for his parents or other family members either.  I can't begin to know what their lives are like.  I can only sit back in wonder at how they manage to live in the moment of each day and take nothing for granted.  I could learn a lot from them.

Finally, Ruth over at The Fabulous Geezersisters wrote this post about long time friends of hers.  The husband is slowly dying of Lou Gehrig's disease.  I'll let you read the post because it's so beautiful but it only added to my weird day.

Days like this make me paranoid as shit.  All that stuff my Italian grandmother and great aunts used to say about these things "coming in threes" and then they'd spit on the ground and walk around it three times or sit with their rosary or...oh hell I can't remember...I was just a freaked out little kid.  But all of that, what I call Catholic Voo-Doo, stuck with me and makes me talk to God like this...

"Okay God.  I don't know what's going on up there today but you stay the hell away from my family and friends today.  I don't want any freak accidents.  No "heart events".  No illnesses.  No airborne warfare.  No latent carcinogens.  I just want a quiet and peaceful day filled with love.  Capisce?  Good.  You know what I always say Lord...Don't fuck with my family."

Like God gives a rat's ass what I think.  It's just that at times like this, I'm reminded how fragile life is and how much I love the one I have and all the peeps in it.  The thought of losing it or someone I love (whether by old age or one of the above events that if I mention I'll have to spit on the ground to keep from happening) makes me a little fuori di testa (crazy in the head) sometimes.  I think that's part of the reason I'm having trouble getting older.  Hell that's ALL of the reason I'm having trouble getting older.  Every day brings me one step closer to the front of the church.  And I don't LIKE the front of the church.  The front of the church always made me nervous.  I'm more of a back pew kind of girl...that way the priest can't see you sleeping during the homily.

But as the old saying goes, "Man plans, God laughs".  The Big Guy has His plan and there isn't a damn thing I can do to change it.  I need to just trust that the Lord has my back and that whatever happens, happens for a reason.  I'm sure He's expecting me to live for today and not for a tomorrow that isn't promised.

And I'm going to try and do that...as soon as I find my rosary and try not to think about how I might have jinxed something by writing all this down.




  1. I'm having one of those years... friends dying, niece really ill - now thankfully on a slow path to recovery, badly ill myself lately then my Mother-in-Law breaks her knee, arm and shoulder all at once so my poor wife is running around in ever decreasing circles... So 2013 - not the best year so far but you have to take the rough with the smooth and just get on with it really.

  2. Life is like a box of chocolates....ya never know whatcha gonna get until ya push your finger down in the center of each piece....each piece represents the days of our lives...

  3. ^ That's why I like the Whitman's Samplers, Elmo. They come with the little diagram on the cover, so you know what you're about to bite into.

    I like that term, fuori di testa (crazy in the head). I can relate to that very much!

    Thanks for sharing Ruth's link, she writes very well. It would be hard to pick just one word to describe myself... got me thinking! Thanks :)